She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
