Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
