ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
