Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
