If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
