Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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