I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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