My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize