I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
