Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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