That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
