You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
