maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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