I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
