someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
