two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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