I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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