i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
