he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize