"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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