please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
