If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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