I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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