theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
