Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize