its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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