I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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