then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
