i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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