the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
