I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
