Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
not ubering you a puppy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
