I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
