I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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