Is it normal to miss your booty call?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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