my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
