i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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