They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
