We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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