I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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