ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
