hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
