I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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