He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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