WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
