Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
did i just pee glitter
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
