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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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