People in love make me want to vomit
he thought i was a dude.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
