i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
