New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
