Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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