I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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