were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
