Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
