Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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