and you said cock pushups were impossible
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
