my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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