I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
