it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
