did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
