I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
