and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
