My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
