So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
try to milk me bitch
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