I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
