Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
