I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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