He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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